Posted in Depressed But Fighting, It's sooo Me~~

What It’s Like To Admit That This is Depression.

I’ve been strong for too long. I think it’s about time to take this mask off.

Today, I have decided to embrace my weakness and face my fear.

I wanted to talk about it. I wanted to scream. I wanted to yell. I wanted to shout about it. But all I could do was whisper “I’m fine.” 

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This post is a confession, no, it’s more like an admission to you and most especially to MYSELF.

Today, I have finally admitted to myself that I’m suffering from depression and that I need help.

I’ve been in a constant battle with myself. I argue with my subconscious that this is not a mental illness. The argument inside me is tough but I am good at hiding my feelings. Yet, lately, I find myself becoming more and more restless. The demons become stronger and I’m afraid I can no longer fight it alone.

So, what took me so long to admit it?

That, too, is a question I’ve been wanting to be answered. I’m confused how an optimistic, brave and strong person like me fall into depression. I want to know how I am laughing but feeling empty at the same time. And it hit me.

Depression is more than just being sad. It has no face.

What made me think that this is depression?

I just realized that I’ve been wearing this mask for too long. I noticed that no matter how I try to be positive, I end up thinking about death at night; no matter how I laugh so hard, I feel like crying after; no matter how I tell myself I am strong, I feel self-pity in front of the mirror; no matter how I act fine, my subconscious slaps me when I’m alone.

I guess, the positive outlook that I share on this blog, on Facebook and even towards other people, is ME acting positive and strong even when I’m dying and crying inside. I guess it’s one of the masks that I put on.

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It took me a while to admit it because of these three reasons:

First, I’m denying it. I can’t accept the fact that I’m a victim of this illness. I mean, how come? If you look back through my old post, there is never a sign of me falling into this trap. As much as possible, I stay away from negative things, feeding my soul only positive vibes.

Second, and I think the main reason, I AM TOO ASHAMED. I am too ashamed to admit even to myself that I am mentally sick. I am too ashamed to admit that I am weak and that my optimism is not enough to shield me from this.

The third reason, I am scared. I am afraid people will misunderstand and think I’m in my ‘drama-mode’ to get their attention. I am scared to know that the people whom I expect to care, won’t. I am scared to no one will save me or at least be there as I save myself.

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Today, I have decided to embrace my weakness and face my fear.

Because I have no plans on staying in this dark pit forever. Today, I have decided to let my weakness be known so I know where to start defeating it. Today, I have decided to face my fears and aim to be stronger than them. Today, I have decided to show everyone my mask and hope someone out there would help take it off.

Today, I have decided to embrace the fact that I am a victim because I want to start the healing process. I believe, acceptance is where I should start.

It’s not my intention to drag people down to the darkness I am in, no, I’m not that kind of a person. This is also the reason why I changed  the name of the blog THOUGHT DIARY. Because I want this blog to be a diary, a journal, a witness on how I overcome this sickness. This is the first time I open up this topic, this is my first confession.

I know I am one step to healing. Next step, is to tell my husband and my family. There’s no telling how they would accept it, but I’m preparing myself for anything.

Pray me courage!

 

 

 

 

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Posted in My Thoughts!

This Is Me Missing My Bestfriend.

“If you’re alone, I’ll be your shadow. If you want to cry, I’ll be your shoulder. If you want a hug, I’ll be your pillow. If you need to be happy, I’ll be your smile. But anytime you need a friend, I’ll just be me.”

We used to say those promises.

You were my best friend. We used to be. I don’t know what happened but those days were gone. Suddenly gone. We were happy, but one day I woke up not hearing from you anymore. There were no goodbyes, there were no ados.

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So, I’ve finally heard something from you. It’s been a while. Years, I guess. I’m so glad to see you again. The last time we met was not very fine, or so I thought.

How are you? How’s life?

Well, you look happy. I see you’ve got married and now have two kids. The second one looks very similar to you, he got your beautiful eyes. Look how time had gone so fast. I didn’t know you’re marrying the same girl you told me you were having problems with. But I’m happy. The last time you told me about your problem with her, I felt your pain but I saw love in your eyes. I knew you love her so much but you didn’t want to tell me.

I knew it from the start. But I waited for you to admit it. Until we parted ways.

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Have you heard something about me, too? Do you occasionally check my facebook profile to see how I’ve been? Because I do and I won’t deny it.

You know what? I’m happily married now. No, it was not the same boy you I told you about. His name is Ace. I hope you could meet him someday. I’m pretty sure you’ll like him.

I can’t wait to talk to you again. I can’t wait to tell you how my life have been. I can’t wait to listen to your stories about your adorable kids. I want to know how happy you are with your wife. I’m excited to tell you how supportive and loving my husband is. I want to tell you that I was wrong when I told you I won’t love another man more than you. I want you to know that we were really meant to be just bestfriends because I love Ace more than I loved you.

There are so many things I want to say, so many things I want to hear from you.

But when?

I miss you.

Posted in Blogging Experiences, HOLIDAYS and Special days

Happy 2nd Year, Side by Side!

Life lately… work, K-drama, sleep (skip this sometimes), work, K-drama again. (pfftt!)

Not that I’ve been very busy, I was just hooked up with K-drama lately that sometimes I found myself too lazy to write. Every time I typed a word, I looked at my phone and tadaa.. “just one episode” and then I realized I already had four of it. (facepalm) Which means… no more time for blogging. 😦

Anyway, I’m on a RECOVERY mode now. I’m REHABILITATING myself. I’ll have my life again soon. (fingerscrossed)

So, what do we have here???

YEY!!!

It’s this corner’s BIRTHDAY!!

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Happy Anniversary with WordPress.com!
You registered on WordPress.com 2 years ago.
Thanks for flying with us. Keep up the good blogging.

Thank you for all the never ending support despite the long hiatus. I’ll be back on track soon, just working on this K-Drama habit.

It’s 2 years and we hope to see you next year, too. 😀

’til next time, everybody!

Keep safe!

Love, Demi

 

P.S Oh, don’t forget to visit us on Ace and Demi Travel Stories to know where hubby and I had been these days. 😀 See yah!

Posted in Relationship Talks

What Our 11 Months of Marriage Taught Me.

…marriage is about becoming a team. You’re going to spend the rest of your life learning about each other, and every now and then, things blow up. But the beauty of marriage is that if you picked the right person and you both love each other, you always figure out a way to get through it. ~ Nicholas Sparks

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I woke up into hubby’s warm hug this morning as he greeted me a “happy 11 months of marriage“. Time has gone way too fast. It was like I decided to marry this man yesterday and yet, we’ll already be celebrating our first wedding anniversary next month. 🙂

Before that big day, here’s what my 11 months of marriage has taught me so far:

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  • It’s okay to re-watch your wedding videos for the nth time. 😛

    Like, common. It was one of the biggest days of our life. There’s nothing wrong with not getting over our vows and keep playing it or even decide to use it as my phone’s ringtone. 😀 Here’s the catch: everytime we fight, I watch it again. It reminds me of that day when we vowed to be together through thick or thin. And even reminds me why I married him on the first place.

  • Check the “married” spot when filling up a form.

    Believe it or not, it took me three months to avoid checking the “single” box in the civil status of a form. And yeah, my 11 months of marriage taught me to choose the correct box and not ask for another form because I made a mistake. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

  • Share responsibilities.

    Whether I like it or not, I have to do the laundry while he is doing the house-cleaning. 😀 I learned to not wait for my mom’s nag to do this and that. It makes the whole work easier and faster when the chores are shared. Well, I guess, having a husband who is willing to help is a bonus.

  • Be the first to apologize.

    Being the first to say “sorry” during an argument or a fight does not make me the loser. Sometimes, it’s a pain on my ego but I’d rather hurt it than prolong the fight which is more painful. Then I realized, saying that “S” word is not that bad at all especially if you’re doing it for your relationship.

  • Not to complain about his cooking.

    One of the most important thing I’ve learned is to NEVER complain about his cooking, especially if I don’t know how to do it myself. I have to choose between starving or eating his “okay” recipe. 😀

  • We don’t have to like the same things.

    At first my perception of a successful marriage is to agree with same things. But our 11 months of marriage slapped me on my face and made me realize that I was wrong. During our first two months, we noticed that we disagree with most things which does not happen often when we were not married yet. Along the way, we learned to adjust and respect each other’s choices and meet half-way although most of the time he gives in to mine.

  • Finances is a sensitive issue.

    Most couple arguments are because of the finances, especially if you have kid(s). Ace and I don’t have one yet, but we already have our fair share of argument on this issue. I want to spend more on traveling while he wants to save more for our future. During the first six months, we had a hard time resolving this matter but eventually, we were able to meet on a common point. Because we are both earning, his income would go to the house bills and savings while mine would be for the food and travels. In that way, we were able to avoid fights about financial matters.

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It’s still a long way to go. We have yet to celebrate our first year of marriage. There’s no telling as to what would happen but all we have is the HOPE that our vows will work and that this road we are walking right now leads to FOREVER. ❤ ❤ ❤

Cheers to another month!

I’m living you with this wonderful find from Google.

Marriage Box.

Most people get married believing a myth that marriage is a beautiful box full of all the things they have longed for: companionship, intimacy, friendship, etc. The truth is that marriage at the start is an empty box. You must put something in before you can take anything out. There is no love in marriage. Love is in people. And people put love in marriage. There is no romance in marriage. You have to infuse it into your marriage. A couple must learn the art and form the habit of giving, loving, serving, praising keeping the box full. If you take out more than you put in, the box will be empty.

“til next time.

Keep safe!

Love, Ace and Demi

Posted in It's sooo Me~~

Discover Catmon | Chasing Waterfalls and Trekking Rivers

Trek the rivers of Catmon, Cebu and chase the town’s hidden falls this summer!

Ace and Demi Travel Stories

The greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. ~~ Roald Dahl

20170320_202833 Tinubdan Falls, Catmon

Catmon, Cebu — home of Cebu’s second highest peak, Mt Kapayas. Despite being flocked by outdoor enthusiasts and the like, this town remained self-effacing and humble. And lately, with people’s never ending quest of discovering wonderful places to visit, Catmon, in all fairness has another reason to boast.

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Behind the tall mountains of the municipality hides a wonderful haven full of nature’s bliss. A mysterious river slithers through the valleys of the town and divided it into the Old Catmon and New Catmon.

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This place is not known to many people not even to most locals. Some of them knew the place but never dared to visit it because of the creepy stories that circulates around the town. Not even the kids in the area are fond to play in this river.

Rumors…

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Posted in It's sooo Me~~

Coal Mountain Resort | Bringing You Back To Nature

Perfect place to escape the heat of this season.

Ace and Demi Travel Stories

Let’s wander where the WIFI is weak or where there’s no SIGNAL at all. 

While everybody’s planning for a beach getaway, we, on the otherhand, found ourselves in the middle of the woods, surounded  by mountains, hearing the music not everybody can hear. We’re going back to nature!

IMG20170219112423 Ace and Demi Coal Mountain Resort Story

Who would have thought a place which was used as a grazing ground for carabaos could give us a total relaxation away from chaotic life in the city? In the outskirts of Argao, lies this wondrous haven called Coal Mountain Resort, a perfect place for those who wanted retreat from the bustling metropolis.

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The hubby and I had our post-Valentine celebration (we just need some reason to getaway, you know) in this haven. I was very excited that I booked a room more than a week ahead. Well, I think that was…

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Posted in It's sooo Me~~

Pulong Binisaya | Bisaya ni Bai!

Balik handom sa akong gidak-an nga pinulongan! Bangon Bisaya!

Ace and Demi Travel Stories

Kini usa ka espesyal nga salmot akong dalit alang sa mga Bisaya og sa mga gihidlaw pagbasa ug paminaw niining atong pinulongan.

Usa ka isig manunuwat ang nakapa agni kanako nga magsuwat gamit ang atong Binisaya nga pulong. Ang akong inspirasyon atong taguon sa pangalan nga “TheGirl” o “AngBabaye”. Sama kanako, usa siya ka manunuwat, apan talagsaon ang iyang mga salmot. Kasagaran niini mga balak nga sa kasing-kasing mokumot gayud. Ayaw kalimot pagbisita sa iyahang pahina pagkahuman nimo pagbasa aniang akoang salmot usab.

BISAYA? Kaantigo ka pa ba?

Makasabot ka pa ba kung imong ka-istorya ang gigamit mao kining pinulongana? Sa akong bahin… malisod gayud. Ako mismo moangkon, malisod. Ngano ba? Sa panahon karon, ang pulong nga banyaga mao ang sayon nga malitok sa atong mga ba-ba.

Sa atong mga tulunghaan, sa ako nagatungha pa, pa Inglison man gayud mi sa among mga maestra. Nahinumduman ko pa, kung kami masakpan…

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