Posted in Depressed But Fighting, It's sooo Me~~

What It’s Like To Admit That This is Depression.

I’ve been strong for too long. I think it’s about time to take this mask off.

Today, I have decided to embrace my weakness and face my fear.

I wanted to talk about it. I wanted to scream. I wanted to yell. I wanted to shout about it. But all I could do was whisper “I’m fine.” 

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This post is a confession, no, it’s more like an admission to you and most especially to MYSELF.

Today, I have finally admitted to myself that I’m suffering from depression and that I need help.

I’ve been in a constant battle with myself. I argue with my subconscious that this is not a mental illness. The argument inside me is tough but I am good at hiding my feelings. Yet, lately, I find myself becoming more and more restless. The demons become stronger and I’m afraid I can no longer fight it alone.

So, what took me so long to admit it?

That, too, is a question I’ve been wanting to be answered. I’m confused how an optimistic, brave and strong person like me fall into depression. I want to know how I am laughing but feeling empty at the same time. And it hit me.

Depression is more than just being sad. It has no face.

What made me think that this is depression?

I just realized that I’ve been wearing this mask for too long. I noticed that no matter how I try to be positive, I end up thinking about death at night; no matter how I laugh so hard, I feel like crying after; no matter how I tell myself I am strong, I feel self-pity in front of the mirror; no matter how I act fine, my subconscious slaps me when I’m alone.

I guess, the positive outlook that I share on this blog, on Facebook and even towards other people, is ME acting positive and strong even when I’m dying and crying inside. I guess it’s one of the masks that I put on.

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It took me a while to admit it because of these three reasons:

First, I’m denying it. I can’t accept the fact that I’m a victim of this illness. I mean, how come? If you look back through my old post, there is never a sign of me falling into this trap. As much as possible, I stay away from negative things, feeding my soul only positive vibes.

Second, and I think the main reason, I AM TOO ASHAMED. I am too ashamed to admit even to myself that I am mentally sick. I am too ashamed to admit that I am weak and that my optimism is not enough to shield me from this.

The third reason, I am scared. I am afraid people will misunderstand and think I’m in my ‘drama-mode’ to get their attention. I am scared to know that the people whom I expect to care, won’t. I am scared to no one will save me or at least be there as I save myself.

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Today, I have decided to embrace my weakness and face my fear.

Because I have no plans on staying in this dark pit forever. Today, I have decided to let my weakness be known so I know where to start defeating it. Today, I have decided to face my fears and aim to be stronger than them. Today, I have decided to show everyone my mask and hope someone out there would help take it off.

Today, I have decided to embrace the fact that I am a victim because I want to start the healing process. I believe, acceptance is where I should start.

It’s not my intention to drag people down to the darkness I am in, no, I’m not that kind of a person. This is also the reason why I changed  the name of the blog THOUGHT DIARY. Because I want this blog to be a diary, a journal, a witness on how I overcome this sickness. This is the first time I open up this topic, this is my first confession.

I know I am one step to healing. Next step, is to tell my husband and my family. There’s no telling how they would accept it, but I’m preparing myself for anything.

Pray me courage!

 

 

 

 

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Posted in It's sooo Me~~

Discover Catmon | Chasing Waterfalls and Trekking Rivers

Trek the rivers of Catmon, Cebu and chase the town’s hidden falls this summer!

Ace and Demi Travel Stories

The greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. ~~ Roald Dahl

20170320_202833 Tinubdan Falls, Catmon

Catmon, Cebu — home of Cebu’s second highest peak, Mt Kapayas. Despite being flocked by outdoor enthusiasts and the like, this town remained self-effacing and humble. And lately, with people’s never ending quest of discovering wonderful places to visit, Catmon, in all fairness has another reason to boast.

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Behind the tall mountains of the municipality hides a wonderful haven full of nature’s bliss. A mysterious river slithers through the valleys of the town and divided it into the Old Catmon and New Catmon.

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This place is not known to many people not even to most locals. Some of them knew the place but never dared to visit it because of the creepy stories that circulates around the town. Not even the kids in the area are fond to play in this river.

Rumors…

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Posted in It's sooo Me~~

Coal Mountain Resort | Bringing You Back To Nature

Perfect place to escape the heat of this season.

Ace and Demi Travel Stories

Let’s wander where the WIFI is weak or where there’s no SIGNAL at all. 

While everybody’s planning for a beach getaway, we, on the otherhand, found ourselves in the middle of the woods, surounded  by mountains, hearing the music not everybody can hear. We’re going back to nature!

IMG20170219112423 Ace and Demi Coal Mountain Resort Story

Who would have thought a place which was used as a grazing ground for carabaos could give us a total relaxation away from chaotic life in the city? In the outskirts of Argao, lies this wondrous haven called Coal Mountain Resort, a perfect place for those who wanted retreat from the bustling metropolis.

20170331_170711 Find Demi.

The hubby and I had our post-Valentine celebration (we just need some reason to getaway, you know) in this haven. I was very excited that I booked a room more than a week ahead. Well, I think that was…

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Posted in It's sooo Me~~

Pulong Binisaya | Bisaya ni Bai!

Balik handom sa akong gidak-an nga pinulongan! Bangon Bisaya!

Ace and Demi Travel Stories

Kini usa ka espesyal nga salmot akong dalit alang sa mga Bisaya og sa mga gihidlaw pagbasa ug paminaw niining atong pinulongan.

Usa ka isig manunuwat ang nakapa agni kanako nga magsuwat gamit ang atong Binisaya nga pulong. Ang akong inspirasyon atong taguon sa pangalan nga “TheGirl” o “AngBabaye”. Sama kanako, usa siya ka manunuwat, apan talagsaon ang iyang mga salmot. Kasagaran niini mga balak nga sa kasing-kasing mokumot gayud. Ayaw kalimot pagbisita sa iyahang pahina pagkahuman nimo pagbasa aniang akoang salmot usab.

BISAYA? Kaantigo ka pa ba?

Makasabot ka pa ba kung imong ka-istorya ang gigamit mao kining pinulongana? Sa akong bahin… malisod gayud. Ako mismo moangkon, malisod. Ngano ba? Sa panahon karon, ang pulong nga banyaga mao ang sayon nga malitok sa atong mga ba-ba.

Sa atong mga tulunghaan, sa ako nagatungha pa, pa Inglison man gayud mi sa among mga maestra. Nahinumduman ko pa, kung kami masakpan…

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Posted in It's sooo Me~~

Let’s Have Fun Getting to Know Each Other.

Hello, everyone! Happy Thursday!

I can already feel all the good vibes because the weekend is around the corner. So to express my good vibration here, I thought of something fun to post.

Here’s a fun way to get to know me more. I actually found this on Facebook, and enjoyed it very much. I thought, I might as well share it to you guys.

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* Those in pink are some of the things I’ve done and experienced so far.

  • Fired a gun.
  • Been engaged.
  • Been married.   (yeah, soon!)
  • Fell in love.  (I am in love.)
  • Gone on a blind date.   (when I was in high school, yeah)
  • Skipped school.  (and pretended to be sick. lol)
  • Watched someone give birth.  (my younger sister gave birth of Ahkira at home)
  • Watched someone die. (not die, but dying)
  • Been to France.
  • Been to Hawaii.
  • Been to Perth.
  • Been to Disneyland.
  • Visited Italy.  (I would, someday!)
  • Seen the Grand Canyon in person.
  • Been drunk and pass out. (haha)
  • Flown in a helicopter.  (once, and I won’t do it again!)
  • Been on a cruise ship.
  • Served on a jury.
  • Been in a movie.
  • Been in a jail.
  • Been on the Spirit of Tasmania.
  • Played in a band.
  • Sang karaoke.  (Ace is a frustrated singer. So yeah, We do it once a month.)
  • Made prank phone calls. (haha, I’d love to, but I never tried.)
  • Laughed so much you cried. (super)
  • Experienced snow in person. (nope)
  • Caught a snowflake on your tongue.  (I would do this once I’ll experience snow.)
  • Had children.
  • Had a pet.  
  • Been sledding on a big hill.
  • Been skiing.
  • Jumped on a 20 ft waterfalls. (yeah! and I’d love to do it again! and even higher 😛 )
  • Rode on a motorcycle. (like everyday of my life)
  • Jumped out of a plane.  (hahah, no…the pilot did not allow me. LOL)
  • Been to drive-in movie.
  • Rode an elephant.
  • Been on TV.
  • Been in newspaper.
  • Stayed in hospital.  (once)
  • Donated blood. (nope, I’m the one needing the blood)
  • Gotten a piercing. (on my ears)
  • Gotten a tattoo.  (Ace doesn’t want me to get one)
  • Driven a car. (tried and bumped it on a tree. lol)
  • Been scuba diving. (nope, I can’t swim)
  • Climbed a mountain. (yeah,and be climbing more)
  • Lived on your own. 
  • Rode in the back of a police car. (we hitched a ride)
  • Got a speeding ticket. (no! the police failed to catch me because I was speeding (pun intended) )
  • Made a blog. (You’re on it right now.)
  • Caught a big fish. (not a BIG one)
  • Been canoeing. 
  • Dined in a floating restaurant.
  • Meet the country’s president.

 

Ditto are just few things about me. There are still a lot of things I have and haven’t done. 😀

Let me know if we share the same experiences. 🙂 Leave me a word or two.

Keep safe!