An Open Letter to My Troubled Soul.

I want to start with a “Congratulations! You’re doing great!” 

Congratulations, because you’re doing the right thing. Congratulations, because you’re putting down that blade and throwing away those pills. Congratulations, because you’re learning to refuse those tiny voices. Congratulations, because you’re breaking your walls and starting to accept their help.

Congratulations, because you’re doing better.

I just want you to know that I’m so proud of you.

I’m so proud of you because you recognize your weakness. I’m so proud of you because you are brave to show your vulnerability. I’m so proud of you because you don’t let fear consume you. I’m so proud of you because you continue to fight even when some people don’t understand. I’m so proud of you because you are not giving up.

Promise me that you will continue to be better. Promise me that you will continue to be strong. Promise me that you will continue to fight. Promise me that you will no longer go back to that dark alley. Promise me that you will not hate yourself instead you will love it more.

I promise to be with you as you fight this battle. I promise to be strong while you beat those demons. I promise to let you cry when it hurts so much but I will wipe your tears when you’ve cried enough. I promise to pat your shoulders when you do a good job. Most of all, I promise to not give up on you.

Please remember this:

“God brought you it. He will bring you through it.”

 

I’m excited to see you WIN this fight. I know you’ll get through this.

Love,

Your Hopeful Self

 

 

This Is Me Missing My Bestfriend.

“If you’re alone, I’ll be your shadow. If you want to cry, I’ll be your shoulder. If you want a hug, I’ll be your pillow. If you need to be happy, I’ll be your smile. But anytime you need a friend, I’ll just be me.”

We used to say those promises.

You were my best friend. We used to be. I don’t know what happened but those days were gone. Suddenly gone. We were happy, but one day I woke up not hearing from you anymore. There were no goodbyes, there were no ados.

So, I’ve finally heard something from you. It’s been a while. Years, I guess. I’m so glad to see you again. The last time we met was not very fine, or so I thought.

How are you? How’s life?

Well, you look happy. I see you’ve got married and now have two kids. The second one looks very similar to you, he got your beautiful eyes. Look how time had gone so fast. I didn’t know you’re marrying the same girl you told me you were having problems with. But I’m happy. The last time you told me about your problem with her, I felt your pain but I saw love in your eyes. I knew you love her so much but you didn’t want to tell me.

I knew it from the start. But I waited for you to admit it. Until we parted ways.

Have you heard something about me, too? Do you occasionally check my facebook profile to see how I’ve been? Because I do and I won’t deny it.

You know what? I’m happily married now. No, it was not the same boy you I told you about. His name is Ace. I hope you could meet him someday. I’m pretty sure you’ll like him.

I can’t wait to talk to you again. I can’t wait to tell you how my life have been. I can’t wait to listen to your stories about your adorable kids. I want to know how happy you are with your wife. I’m excited to tell you how supportive and loving my husband is. I want to tell you that I was wrong when I told you I won’t love another man more than you. I want you to know that we were really meant to be just bestfriends because I love Ace more than I loved you.

There are so many things I want to say, so many things I want to hear from you.

But when?

I miss you.

Digressing | The Post You Should Not Read

Howdy! 

Been a long while since I last posted. Life gets on my way and it’s out of my control. I have an article drafted for one month but I can’t seem to finish it. (Sigh!)

What am I doing right now?

Just letting these fingers move and synch with my brain. I actually don’t know where this post leads to. I just feel like writing with no sense. I want to find the flame again. (Another sigh!)

I know I am digressing. Sorry. Please stop reading now. I don’t want you to feel disappointed by realizing that you’ve read this far and yet you don’t find anything sensible. (One more sigh!)

Oh!? So you want me to continue writing. I noticed that you’re still reading ’til here. I don’t know what to feel. Should I be happy because you heeded or should I be sad because I know you’ll hit that unfollow button after this? Oh boy! Please stop before you change your mind.

Does that sound annoying? Yeah, I felt it annoying. I want to stop writing now but  my fingers…they keep pressing the keys. And my brain…the words are exploding but I don’t know what are they.

Oh, I apologize for taking you here. I guess I get it. I am writing, finally writing. Gotta pull myself together and stop this. I don’t want to waste your time anymore. Don’t you see? You’re reading until here but you don’t get what I am really trying to imply. I don’t get it, too.

Forgive me. Check the time and see that you just wasted your two minutes reading this. (One more sigh!) You want to click that unfollow button? Can I stop you? Nah, I won’t do that. It’s my fault, I know.

(Bump my head and came back to my senses!!! Urgh! It hurts, you know.)

😀 Did you actually read this? Until here? Wow!

Now, leave me a word so i can THANK YOU. :*

 

 

Our Second Month. | Relationship Talks

Today marks our second month of being married. A friend from far away sent us her greetings early this morning and asked something which inspired me to write this post.
Her question: Is your marriage everything you hoped it would be, so far?

I could have said ‘yes‘ but that would be a lie. Our marriage is not everything we thought it would be. I hoped it would be perfect, but we know there is no such thing as perfect marriage. I hoped it would all be just happiness, but that is impossible.

Marriage is not something you can filter like what you see on Instagram and Facebook.

In two months, we had our own share of misunderstandings. We’ve been through ups and downs, too. It’s not always those #sweetness overloads that you see on social media, we had our dark days, too. Do we fight? Yes, we do. We fight over little things — from where and what to eat, what TV channel to watch, to who used up all the lives in my Candy Crush. In the end of the day, before we go to sleep… we just find ourselves laughing about our petty fights. But you see, that is what makes US happy. That is what makes us stronger and love each other more.

Marriage is an adventure. It is not every day a well-paved road. There are bumpy roads. It is not every day a sunny one. There are storms you have to face. But as long as you have each other, as long as you are both willing to take risks, you can surpass them. There is no mountain too high and no ocean too deep for two people who hold hand and conquer them together.

Perhaps it’s too early to tell how our life have been as a couple. Some people said the first year is of course sweet and a happy one. And we have to wait until the fifth year before we conclude how strong our love is. My response would be… “I’m ready for that. I’ll see you on that day!” 😀

When You Don’t Feel Like Writing, but The Words Keep Flowing. ( A Writer’s Quandary)

Been staring on this blank page for a while now.

Written one word, two words… oh, to express I don’t know how.

I have something in mind I wanted to share,

I just can’t find the exact words to start the tale.

My imaginary friends are not visiting me.

I don’t know why, could it be because they are busy?

Oh, I think I understand,

not everytime we have the upper hand.

These words keep flowing,

I don’t really know where they’re coming.

My imaginary friends, they’re what I have waited,

but right now I think, my time isn’t wasted.

A friend once told me,

“the world may fall apart, but you will write anyway”

Because I’m a writer,

and this is my quandary.

photo credit: Google Images

P.S   Hello, there! This is my first attempt into poetry. I’m not sure if I hit the right rules. If you have any suggestions, I’m very open to it. What do you think?

My Confession — How It All Started.

I am a blogger…Yes, I am!

“I write…because there is a voice within me that will not be still.” ~Sylvia Plath

I met my college writing teacher sometime last week. We exchanged hi’s and hello’s. He asked me about a post shared on my Facebook account. “Are you blogging?” I was surprised. (I thought, did he actually checked on my blog?) I hesitated to say yes, so I just nodded. He said, “Great!” I was surprised again. (He was one of the few people who knew that I have this dream of writing to express my thought. He was also one of them who encouraged me me to pursue it.)

The thought of blogging came to my mind when I was in high school. I was a writer of the campus paper then. I participated as a feature and editorial writer in some journalism competitions, but unfortunately, winning was very elusive to me. Haha.. Our school paper adviser made a blog for convenient posting of our articles. That’s when I met the idea of becoming a “blogger”.

Then I started to dream of becoming one — as a frustrated writer I am, I wanted to write about my thoughts, my experiences, the people around me, and whatever goes under the sun. I love the thought of having them posted and knowing that some people from other parts of the world are able to read them (feels like an online diary). Not just writing them on an old notebook I have been keeping since.

I was 12 when I started writing. I can still remember, I used to write my thoughts on a recycled notebook ( a notebook I used during the past school year with some extra clean pages left) because I couldn’t afford to buy a new one. I wrote in “dual-language” (Visayan-English). 🙂 Eight years later (when my knowledge about the universal language has improved and became better), I re-read my writings. I couldn’t help but laugh with my grammar and sentences. I realized that I had always been trying hard. When I was writing those, my main goal was only to express what I had inside my head and never thought of having anybody read them.

As the years pass, my love for writing grew like a bud slowly opening and waiting for the right time to perfectly bloom. I tried hard to learn English, hoping someday, I can write using this language.

A good friend of mine once told me, “When you write, write from within, write what is on the top of your head, not what people expect you to write. Your grammar may not be perfect and your sentences may not be well-constructed, who cares? It’s normal. English is not the language you grew up with. Just be open to criticisms and accept corrections. It’s one way of learning.” 

With it, I found the courage to pursue my dream.

Virginia Woolf once said, “So long as you write what you wish to write, that is all that matters; and whether it matters for ages or only for hours, nobody can say.”

Then I found Side by Side.  A dream come true, a prayer answered.

It’s a long way to go, but be doing it slowly. 🙂

Hugs and kisses from yours truly. :*